ic inbox (noctium) un: COTTAGE WIFE

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[ The attached picture actually manages to coax the tiny ghost of a smile from Stiles, his first since returning. Somehow, the sight of Alex and Eren's dishes side by side brings him a sense of pride in his friends. They've come far. And he doesn't just mean with cooking. ]

I was. It's been three months for me.

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Three months in a week?

[ he was going to start capsing because i fuckin forgot but now it just feels a little too serious to cap. did you forget everything? was it at the same point in time like you never left in the first place? did anyone notice?

did you lose your sense of time? ]

Are you feeling alright?

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I’m fine. Might miss cooking class again this week because I’m behind on stuff with the store, but that’s all.

[ The real reason is that Stiles doesn’t think he has the energy to be around other people right now. It’d just be easier if he ditched class altogether. ]

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Do you want me to send you the recipes? [ in fact— ] I can bring you the plates, I'm better enough that mine are edible now.

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[ Socializing sounds like hell right now. Though he appreciates the offer, Stiles is already concocting a dozen reasons to turn it down. ]

That's okay, buddy. Keep the meals. I wouldn't mind you sending over the recipes though.

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Got it.

[ though he doesn’t want to leave it at that and knows little of what is actually happening— ]

Are you alright to talk?

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Sure. What’s on your mind?

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Had a dream about you the other day.

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Oh yeah? Tell me about it.

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You said you knew who I was before we met here because you met me in Aefenglom. Same as Itachi.

Most of my dreams are memories so I need to ask. Is it true?

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It's true.

[ More than that, Stiles shared the dream – but he doesn't reveal that information just yet. ]

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Did we know each other well?

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I considered you a friend.

[ Though he can't speak for how Eren considered him in return. ]

You once told me that I looked like someone who understood, then took it back when you saw how I reacted to the idea of your grand plan.

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Down to that. [ his chest is feeling tight and his gut, nauseous. ] Maybe that's why I told you in the first place.

[ if he were him, which he is, he'd try and break off people who were coming too close, snip at those giving him credit he didn't deserve as well as attention he was better off without. ]

I'd almost be glad if that still kept you away and looks like it didn't. [ there's also the lonely part of him that was almost relieved that he stuck around regardless. ] Makes me sick that it's "almost". It's like you said.

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I know. [ Empathetic to that loneliness, too familiar with it. ] I've made my choice. Don't worry.

Since I know so many of yours, I'll tell you a secret.

I killed someone back home. It was in self-defense, but I was glad when he was dead. Because he was planning on going after my dad.

And there's nothing I wouldn't do to save my dad.

Do you understand?

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[ “made my choice”. that likely meant that the only thing he can do about that now is accept it.

there’s something too real about the dream still, and— well, maybe it wasn’t worth it to keep asking questions he already got an answer to. it still doesn’t stop eren from delaying his response, if only because his thoughts go deep. ]

Intimately.

How’s your dad, now?

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[ He doesn't remember me, Stiles wants to say, desperate to unleash the flood of emotion dammed up inside him. He doesn't remember his own son. ]

He's good. Probably better than he's ever been, really.

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Then maybe you made the right call.

The first time I made that choice, I was nine. Never looked back on it and never bothered me. They were human traffickers and I didn’t give a shit. I was glad I did it ever since, or else I wouldn’t have one of the most important people in my life. She showed me love. Would those bastards show me that?

It doesn’t compare to my future and that’s something I’ll live with until I’m in the ground. I went where nobody should and I don’t have that right anymore. But what you did? That’s being human. Anyone who says they don’t feel the same, even if it’s deep down, is a liar.

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[ Nine. Stiles tries to imagine himself killing at that age. It’s impossible. He never would have been capable – not even after his mother’s death, not even with his father’s life on the line. It took the supernatural world to break something essential inside him first.

Eren must have been broken for a long time. ]

Do you hope that someone stops you, in the future?

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It’s all I want.

I actually wish I could’ve been stopped earlier.

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I hope someone stops you too.

[ He falls silent for a time then, with little else to say. Eventually: ]

If there's nothing else you wanted to talk about, I should go.

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[ there isn’t much else to say on his end either, but eren waffles between his last words and settles on some other than simply letting stiles on his way: ]

Hope we can see each other soon.

/fin

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[ Stiles rereads those words a few times before powering off his phone without responding. After returning to Noctium and dealing with the emotional blows that have come since, he doesn't have the energy to make promises. Right now, socializing is the last thing on his mind. ]